Self Destructing
Everything that I stood for.
I'm going AGAINST IT. Breaking down the last resemblance. Breaking down all weaknesses.
Going against the norm. Going against what conventional people fear most. CHANGE.
I'm going through a period where i'm forcefully forcing change to myself. Change on things that hurts most. Change on what I cannot easily change. Why? I don't want to form rituals and laws and I see beliefs formed are a weakness.
Currently I'm forcing myself not to exercise. To attempt to grow fat.
It's painful but I recognize that sports and exercise is not the most important of life. They are just factors to a healthy living. By breaking this down, I can also break my unbelievably huge ego. So far so good but fear is building in me. My body is breaking down. Aching and the loss of skills is frightful and damaging but I'll hold on . I will break myself down. I don't want to be independant. I dare not trust my strength for they are a mere illusion.