Betrayed......By Brother.....
It's always blood related people who is going to bring me real grief . Cousins....brother...parents .....relatives.......They all sound the same to me.Pain. That's it pain . I get nothing from them but pain. Alright not all of them .Most of them.
Today.....the age long war between me and my brother should be over. Over years ago but little did I know that he still harbors the evils of the past . That Hypocrite. Labeling me secretly as lap dog while I classifly him as family. When I found out about that this afternoon, he refuses to reply me. A habit he develop to escape problems. He kept ignoring me treating me as a non-living thing. If there is someone who can make me cry or hate , it will be my brother. His devious capability can only be match by his cowardice. Yet I cannot hate him for he is my brother.I just wish that I can forget what that has happen .My heart hurts.
Now my cousins bring me more troubles.Their father sick. So now I have to take care of their father.....perfect.That is ok . I don't mind taking care of their father . After all he is my uncle and he can die anytime.It will be good to spend his last few life time with him.The problem is that I will have to stay over at my Mother's friend house. I cannot ...I will not. My family is spilt ...I'm doing my best to hold what left of my shattered family. Mom moved out ...it was a huge blow.... My brother....spoilt and perhaps selfish did not give much help to hold the family together even through he nobly spoke of doing it. Perhaps he has the idea but does not want to sacrifice to make the idea an reality.I don't know. Anyway I told him not to stay over at my mother's friend house so that mom will get the idea that we do not support her moving over. However, Mom took the computer to her place. My brother whose life at that time was filled with maple story. So naturally he also moved in with mom. Hypocritically argued that there's nothing wrong with it and kept silent when I outspoke him by saying that what he do will spilt the family.Any way I stayed and refuses to stay over for I know that my father at this stage of life needs alot of support. He is the type that takes pride in everything that he do but recently everything has been shaky.If I were to to stay over at my mom's place, I'm afraid that he may lose it.
He now put in additional effort to hold the family together ....he use to be stone like. He even favor me more for not staying over. He tries to make time in his buzy shedule bring my brother and me out. I know he is desperate now. Everything is falling apart in his life and the last thing he needs in fragments is his family. His health detoriates. This is why I'm yrying so hard to assure him that the family fabrics is still held together by some strands....I am those strands.....alone.....and taking hits from both side. This is why my heart hurts so much when I see a happy family.....because it is the thing I longed for.
Now I may need to move over to my mom's place to take care of my uncle.....
Mom continually bad mouth the people on my father's side although her side is just as bad or worse. After all my dad's side contain successful people while her side includes drunkards and a one dying from drinking too much. So much for a know it all parent. Now all I see is people who provide me basic necessites everytime I swallow their poison.
I just don't know why.My family bought me so much pain and has always do .My relatives just happily add salt to the wounds.There are many time I just wanted to shout out at them.....to ask them to go away from me.I cannot breath with them around.....they ruin my life as much as they build them.The worse is my brother. He is the only one among them who can seriously inflict pain for he is the closest.
I'm gonna make sure I'll never be like my family . I'll be better.I will not be like them .