All about Negativity and Pain Hahaz.
Born out of False love,
Weak and pathetic.
Just the way I was
When I'm young.
So sick was me,
I never had childhood peace.
Doctor each day,
Vomit each night.
That summaries my Genesis.
Never remembered Joy.
Perhaps I've none at all.
What could I expect ,
When I'm dazed by Illness.
Never saw love.
Except on Tv.
How could they loved me,
If they don't know how love each other.
Perhaps It's my fault ,
as it has always been.
After all ,
it was I who separate them by my silly fear.
Now I'm older,
I'm begining to learn.
However,
my teachers would not teach me love.
They showed me ,
the prime example ,
of self - destruction ,
but how was I to know?
One thing I know.....
They taught me right.
Was respect I'm to give to them.
No....Only to Mom.
How was I to Know?
I was a child.
Brought up on lies and discord.
Mom and Dad were the perfect example.
Yeah perfect is what I thought they were.
I've not knew they were only human.
So I took It all .
Learning the very worst.
Mommy pictured to me.
Daddy's the very worst.
In fact his teochew kinds are the scum of the earth.
Daddy was a stone who knew nothing at all.
Even if he knew , he won't react at all.
There you go ,
the recipe for a calamity,
in child up bringing.
And I was the result.
So I grew up ,
not wanting to be Dad.
I grew up following Mom's ideals.
I'm just lucky she has good ideals.
Daddy is all I avoid.
Soccer, he likes, I'm made to detest.
My hate for smokers ,
also stems from there.
With pain and cane ,
I was taught with fear.
To be the best is my only choice.
To be perfect was Mommy's choice.
I still remember the pain
and the sleepless night.
The endless work and beatings I'm made to bear.
And friends, I was still a sickly child.
Around this time,
before Kindergarden.
I had only witness hate.
Hate that drive my bloodlines.
Cousins Fighting,
Parents lying,
Sibling Rivalry.
Hey my parents were the only adults.
Kindergarden Begins.
I entered it armed
with the knowledge trust no one
Given with love by my mother.
How would I know?
She's my Mother.
Am I not to trust one I see as Mom?
I had not known she's only human.
Well Kindergarden wasn't exactly fun.
I was with people who ain't so people.
They only strengthen my distrust for people.
For meanies is all I saw.
There you go ,
the recipe for a calamity,
in child up bringing.
And I was the result.
I was again Lucky.
That I was not bullies victim.
Again I'm Lucky .
My esteem's not hurt.
I just do not understand.
Why people were so mean to a sick child
So I believed people out there,
are dangerous people.
In primary School,
I saw my mistakes.
People are fun!
Especially for catching.
I saw a friend ,
who was popular.
by the way he behaves
By the way he is a Joker.
I tried to follow.
In hope to be a somebody.
Little did I know.
That's the stupidest idea.
I continue to grow.
In pain and conflicts to much to type down.
Continue to grow ,
till I learn more truth.
How it pains me .
To look back in those years.
Those lonely years.
That resulted me today.
Always need to prove.
Always need to be the best.
Always need to be perfect.
Even though I know I can never acheive it.
In almost every of my past photos,
I stand out from the rest.
I did not knew it
till I see it.
It pains .....
but who is born out perfect?
Who had a perfect life?
Well not all.
We all suffered
We all cried
We all had our darkest times
Which is almost every time.
But as we grow ,
we learn .
We understand.
But not all.
I'm lucky ....
I've found true joy.
I've found hope
and new grief.
Still there are others
Who have given up
I grief for them.
May They find what I've found someday.
Wow....tired le.....
Finally got my hamster food le
Life is hard .
But I've found God.
I lived in hope for a better day.
A day God promised me.